Current Mood: ALL THE MOODS
Current Issue: Twitching eye for the last 7 days
Current State: At home sick, in my pajamas, hair in a messy bun of half curly and straight goodness, eyebrows not tweezed since October, so basically, our dog is slightly better groomed
Current Environment: Dog barking excessively next door for the past 4 hours, dog finally stops, neighbor across the street decides that since the quiet has returned, he will now have the serene environment needed to saw wood in his garage
Current News: Hubby had a job interview yesterday (yay) but somehow the company posted a job that they say doesn’t exist (Um…what? It’s on LINKEDIN! It was a creative job for his skill set! We have proof!) AND THEN, they tried to interview him for something different instead. My husband is a photographer and designer. They tried to convince him to be the guy who trains the food samplers at Costco. I AM NOT KIDDING.
Current Verse in My Devotional: “Jesus Wept.” (John 11:35) See? Jesus felt all the moods, too.
Throw me in a white jacket today folks; I am feeling ALL the things. Totally. Delirious. Laughing and crying and eating bananas because apparently potassium helps an eye twitch? I feel like a monkey on this diet. And by the way, it’s not working.
You know that saying by Maya Angelou, “when you know better, you do better…”
Yeah, I’m really glad that’s not written in God-breathed scripture. Instead, I read about Paul who says real things like, “I don’t really understand myself. Why do I do what I do?” (Romans 7:15, NLT).
Cause seriously. Why am I so full of conflicting emotions today and desperate to get back to that place of calm and peace? I was just there yesterday! Really!
And what can God do in this process of allowing me to have this kindergarten grocery store tantrum I am throwing on the floor?
“Why can’t I have Lucky Charms?? And WHY do I have to eat MUESLI instead??”
Current Heart Check: Why can’t I have that? And WHY did you give me THAT instead?
What is He trying to teach me today? It has GOT to be something good! So I decided that I needed to get out of the house and get some fresh air to cool my jets. I grabbed the dog and we began to walk. I started to feel so much better. Then my dog, Honey, the sweet, quiet, even-keeled cockapoo, the dog that loves walks? Well, she decided that today she was going to feel all the moods, too. We hadn’t even gone two houses down from ours before she started doing this dead weight thing. She just stopped. So I tugged and she’d walk a little bit and then stop again.
“What in the world is your deal?”
That was my first reaction. Then after a few more times of this walk, walk, stop, behavior, I decided to crouch down, check to make sure her leash wasn’t the problem and I said, “Honey, will you come with me? I need you to walk.”
Hmmm…the things God whisper-shouts to me when I teach my DOG.
“Brianna, sweetheart, what is your deal? Will you come with me? I need you to walk.”
So we did. We got into a good stride and then I suddenly stopped in the middle of the street because there was a penny on the ground. Face up.
“Ok, God. I get it.”
You see, my mentor used to get pennies from God. All the time. It was their thing. And the pennies were always on the ground face up to remind her, In God We Trust.
So now I am mulling over all the little moments with God I have just had. We are in a groove. We are walking. And then, Honey decides she is not only going to be stubborn and stop walking, but she is going to pull in the opposite direction.
Now I am just annoyed.
Can I be honest? I am so not together today. I want to literally pull her down the street with me. But I won’t. And I know God wouldn’t do that to me.
“Honey, we have to gooooo. Come on.”
I can hear the Trinity laughing amongst themselves.
Oh, Brianna. You are just like that dog. We keep nudging you to follow and sometimes you are excited and trail right beside in an adorable trot. Other times, and to us, for no reason, you stop, you doubt, you pout and you won’t follow.
I think sometimes, God takes off the leash and walks. His answer to our stubbornness is to keep moving. I am not saying He actually leaves us. But He isn’t going to stop moving and doing what He does. And He knows we will eventually start following because we want to be with Him. Where He is. What He is doing.
We want to eventually make it back home.
Even the infamous “dog whisperer” teaches that a dog who knows and respects its leader will not go out in front of or lag behind, but be at their side.
I didn’t have to train Honey that way. I know her. It’s her instinct. I have gotten hundreds of feet away from that dog to know she looks at the lie of presented freedom without the leash and then decides better to trust me and follow. That freedom she perceives isn’t real. I eventually give her space and then I say, “alright Honey, are you coming?”
Freedom and safety come by abiding with the Master.
So in a nutshell, Honey and I are both a basketcase today. And Jesus knows. And tomorrow is a new day. I know better but I don’t always do better. He is faithful to me, no matter what. The walking. The stopping. And I am not defined by my emotionally unstable, ungrateful and foolish days.
The days like today when I see where He is taking me next in this season and it scares me to death. It is not what I would have chosen. But it is His best. And sometimes He uses a day like today when I can’t do much but just sit with Him in my pj’s and have an honest conversation about where He wants me to go, and how I am going to have to change my heart and my attitude in order to get there. Sometimes these sick days or down days are exactly where He wants us to get our attention and reset. To rest and finally calm down after the writhing frenzy of our flesh.
And I know I will find joy on this journey if I walk beside Him instead of taking other seemingly easier, more desirable paths. He has entrusted this particular path to me. I have to remember that. Which means He trusts me!
He knows I will eventually stop looking around, going ahead of Him or lagging behind, forcing my dead weight position of refusal.
I will follow Him because I trust His faithfulness, and where He dwells is my home.
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Need a mood lifter today, too? Listen to this song. I recommend singing it loudly in your pajamas around the house! 🙂